The Scroll Patrol - PpY72KxY4

Wednesday, June 11, 2025

The Menu

Breaking Character

Wednesday, June 11, 2025

The Menu

Breaking Character

The Menu

Local

Your front-row seat to humanity’s greatest hits and misses, from TikTok trends to midlife crises in minivans.

Jun 10, 2025

Jun 10, 2025

Local

Straight Dad Hides Genitals in Tactical Cargo Shorts Until July 1st, Just to Be Safe

Straight Dad Hides Genitals in Tactical Cargo Shorts Until July 1st, Just to Be Safe

Mar 3, 2025

Mar 3, 2025

Local

New Guy Slips in Front of Entire Office, Immediately Updates Résumé

New Guy Slips in Front of Entire Office, Immediately Updates Résumé

Jan 10, 2025

Jan 10, 2025

Local

97% of Americans Now Support Murder as Long as It’s Done with ‘Compelling’ Backstory

97% of Americans Now Support Murder as Long as It’s Done with ‘Compelling’ Backstory

Jun 10, 2025

Local

Straight Dad Hides Genitals in Tactical Cargo Shorts Until July 1st, Just to Be Safe

Mar 7, 2025

Local

Bankrupt Hooters CEO Who Profited on ‘Breast Meat’ Now Struggling to Sell His Own ‘Chicken Thighs’

Mar 3, 2025

Local

New Guy Slips in Front of Entire Office, Immediately Updates Résumé

Feb 25, 2025

Local

Bill Gates Pitches ‘Digital’ Fix for Livestock Emissions—Farmers Confused Why It Requires Elbow-Length Gloves

Feb 16, 2025

Local

Democrats Panic as Bird Flu Spreads, Ask Fauci If He Can Get Pfizer to ‘Whip Something Up Real Quick’

Mar 6, 2025

Local

Evangelicals Warn That Riding the Transcontinental Railroad Could Make You Gay

Feb 15, 2025

Local

Trump Mandates ‘Stand Your Ground’ Fire Drill Protocol for Elementary Schools

Feb 14, 2025

Local

Zendaya Secures $1M Per Episode for Euphoria Season 3, HBO Quietly Slips ‘Real Fentanyl Use’ Clause Into Contract

Feb 8, 2025

Local

Bye, STEM! New FLOWER Programs Focus on ‘Soft Skills’ and Even Softer Majors

Jan 28, 2025

Local

Sam's Club Capitalizes on Costco DEI Controversy, Hires White Dudes in Bulk

Jan 12, 2025

Local

Gavin Newsom Graduates from “Figuratively” to “Literally” Burning Down California

Jan 11, 2025

Local

Trump Pulls a ‘Ross’ in Spray Tan Booth, Emerges Double Orange

Jan 10, 2025

Local

97% of Americans Now Support Murder as Long as It’s Done with ‘Compelling’ Backstory

Jan 9, 2025

Local

Kansas City Chiefs Use Bye Week to Focus on “Top Priority” for Playoffs

Jan 8, 2025

Local

Michael Saylor Spotted Driving Uber to Raise Capital for More Bitcoin

Jan 7, 2025

Local

RFK Jr. To Replace Vaccines With Raw Meat

Jan 4, 2025

Local

We Welcome Our Hilarious Robot Overlords (Not Satire)

Jan 2, 2025

Local

Pentagon Announces Groundbreaking Plan to Replace All Tanks with Gold-Plated Unicorns

Jan 1, 2025

Local

Sesame Street Gets Dark As Elmo And Friends Study the Trolley Problem

Dec 24, 2024

Local

Nutritionists Confirm Santa’s 30 Million Calorie Christmas Eve Binge is Just a ‘Normal Tuesday’ for Most Americans