In a bold act of heterosexual preservation, 54-year-old Indiana dad Jeff Millstone has reportedly sealed his genitals inside a pair of reinforced tactical cargo shorts for the duration of Pride Month.

“I just don’t want any gay energy getting in,” said Millstone, tightening his nylon belt like he was prepping for a hostage rescue. “Not that I got anything against the gays — I just ain’t trying to catch whatever they’re throwing this month.”

Sources confirm Millstone began his annual “nut lockdown” at exactly 11:59 PM on May 31st, following a ceremonial tucking ritual and three rounds of “Joe Rogan Experience.” His wife reports he has since refused to urinate indoors or sit on any furniture “that might’ve been sat on by a bisexual.”

“I caught him staring at his own reflection in the toaster and muttering ‘that’s not gay, that’s maintenance,’” she added.

Medical experts say the practice is ill-advised but not uncommon among straight men with "freedom-based testosterone paranoia."

“They think if a rainbow flag enters their peripheral vision, their penis will activate like Siri,” said one confused urologist.

Millstone insists the shorts will stay on until July 1st at 12:01 AM, when he plans to sprint shirtless through a Bass Pro Shops parking lot screaming “I’M BACK, BABY!”

At press time, he was seen adding a second pair of underwear “just in case.”